Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Today I received the following question in email:
“I was wondering Ross, if you can suggest some icebreakers or
opening lines to initiate conversations with? Like when you see
an attractive girl and you want to approach her but your not sure
what to say. You want to say something but your not sure what and
then you think about it to long and its to late!
You know something comfortable that girls will smile at and want
to keep the conversation going instead of us constantly talking.
I want her to say something after I initiate it so we can see if
there is some chemistry there or not. And being able to get past
“Hi”…You know what I mean? Are there some opening lines you can
suggest I can use the next time I go out that are appealing? That
way I will be armed with some ice breakers and will lead to
getting to know someone hopefully.
Could you please let me know at your earliest convenience?
Thank you.
Dimitrios”
OK. For Dimitrios and all of you reading this:
This all depends on where you find yourself and what you see the
girl doing.
This makes sense, doesn't it?
If you want a line that works in every circumstance, in every
situation, no matter where you find yourself, and what the girl
is doing, I guess you could go,
Hi...I noticed you here and realized if I didn't say
something...I'd never get to find out what you're like...other
than what I already know.
When she says, “What do you know?”
You say, “That you seem like you'd be cool and fun to talk to.
I'm...YOUR NAME HERE”.
You see, knowing what to SAY to a woman is utterly and totally
dependent on WHAT YOU CAN OBSERVE ABOUT THAT WOMAN.
It's not so much a matter of what to say.
No, the real secret of “opening” women is, knowing what to
observe, knowing what to notice, and even KNOWING WHAT TO GET
CURIOUS ABOUT.
Does that make sense?
Also, the approach to opening her might differ a bit if she is at
a coffee house, quietly studying, as opposed to in a loud
restaurant or party, right?
Why?
Because the CONTEXT she is in and what you NOTICE about her is
going to be different.
If she's studying, and you notice that she's having a hard time;
thinking really hard, talking to herself out loud or just
thinking “OUTLOUD” in her head, it would NOT make sense to walk
up and ask her opinion about the great band that is playing or
where she bought her cool bicycle.
So, I will say it again.
The most important thing, first and foremost, is NOT what you
say, but the context she is in, and what you can observe about
her and the setting she is in.
Now, many guys ask me about compliments. Should I give them?
Is it a good way to first “open up” talking to a woman? If so,
what should I compliment?
OK. I'll repeat: it depends on the context, where she is, what
she is doing, and what you NOTICE and can OBSERVE.
LOOK: whether it is opening her by using a compliment, or asking
her a question about something, or making a comment about
something she's doing or something going on in the environment, I
will ask myself the same question, “What can I notice about this
person that I can use to make a connection?”
Now, let's say I notice something about her that I DO find worth
complimenting. My rules for complimenting are as follows:
1. NO sexual content in the compliments. That means I don't
compliment on her great boobs, great legs, great butt, etc. No
woman (no half-way SANE woman) wants a drooling lecher.
2. All compliments to be delivered with good eye contact (in
fact, ANY openers are delivered this way) with a smile on my face
AND in my eyes (I sort of make them twinkle a bit) and delivered
with a MATTER of fact voice tone.
This means I don't over do it with my tone of voice. The
compliment is delivered, matter of fact, with no concern on my
part whether she will accept it, reject it or anything in
between.
It is NOT about her accepting or rejecting what I say. It is ONLY
about me wanting to say what I have to say, and any response she
has is OK WITH ME.
Really, this is about the sub -text. This means, you see, that
there is the surface message, the actual words I say. Those can
be important.
But the sub-text is the unspoken or implied message I am
delivering about me and how I walk through the world; that
***I*** take full responsibility for how I feel about myself, my
situation, the events and circumstances in my life, and I don't
need anyone to approve or validate my message.
Now, trust me. When you come from THAT place, and add in a touch
of humor....
Almost Anything You Say Will Get A Good Response!
Notice something else. This is a great but different KIND of
confidence. It's not the kind of confidence that say, loudly, “I
KNOW I AM GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT”.
It's more of a, “If I get what I want, that's fine and good, and
if not, that's OK too. I'm having fun regardless”.
OK. Back to compliments then.
I prefer to compliment women on the following things:
1. How they carry themselves or how they move. I enjoy a woman
who moves beautifully and/or who has great posture. I will tell
them so, as follows, “I just wanted to tell...I think you have
perfect...posture. You just carry yourself beautifully.”
Notice the “...”. This indicates a pause in your speaking.
I don't run everythingtogetherintoonesentencelikethis.
No. I take...my...time. I pause, right before I tell them what I
am going to tell them, so they will get curious about what I am
going to say, and therefore be more receptive.
The pauses in the music are as much a part of the music as the
notes, to use a metaphor.
2. How they are dressed. I like to compliment on style. So I will
say, “I just wanted to tell you...I admire women with class and
style...so I had to say “Hi”. I'm YOUR NAME HERE.”
Note that this is what I call an IMPLIED compliment. I didn't
directly tell her I think SHE has class and style. I said I
admire women with class and style, so I had to say “Hi”.
That IMPLIES that I think she has class and style.
Why is this important?
Well, by implying the compliment, she has to use her imagination
to interpret what you meant.
Imagination is an ACTIVE process, and so she doesn't resist the
message, as she herself has to take an active hand in creating
it!
Implied compliments are very useful in slipping past any
resistance or skepticism to your message!
This, of course, is part of the number #1 rule in Speed
Seduction®:
Use your imagination to capture and lead a woman's imagination
and emotions!
3. I will compliment on their “energy”. I know this is a New Age,
California kind of thing, but women are into “energy” or “vibes”.
It doesn't matter if you believe in it or not-although I hope one
day you will.
The important thing is, MOST women believe in it.
So if I notice a woman has a calm, radiant, happy demeanor, I
will say, “I just wanted to tell you...I think you have a
beautiful...energy about you, and it just made me have to say
“Hi”. I'm YOUR NAME HERE”.
OK. Another major way to meet women is to say something funny;
make an observation or comment that is humorous, based on
something you can observe.
Now, again, I can't give you a “one line fits all” example,
because again, it's based on what you are observing in the actual
situation. So you will have to observe her, asking, “What can I
notice that I can use to make a connection?”
Next, ask yourself, “How can I phrase that in a clever, funny way
that gets attention and makes her laugh?”
This takes some practice. But you can get good at it.
Now, again, I hesitate to give word for word examples, because it
depends on what you observe. But let me give you just a couple I
have used.
One day, as I sat having coffee, this woman walked into the
Coffee B*** and T** L***, a local coffee house chain. I noticed
immediately that:
1. She had purple hair 2. She had purple fingernails 3. She had
purple eye shadow 4. She had purple lipstick 5. She was wearing
purple gym clothes 6. She had purple shoes (Yes, I wondered if
her PANTIES were purple, but I didn't ask!)
Now, I could have just made a straight comment/observation, as
in, “Wow. I see you like the color purple”.
Instead, I chose to be funny. I said, “Hmmm…excuse me...but I'm
getting a psychic message about you from the spirit world.
Yes...yes...it's a bit fuzzy...hold on...hold on! Yes, the
spirits are telling me…YOU LIKE…THE COLOR...PURPLE.
Now, she busted out laughing and that started the conversation.
Another time, I was with a friend in a restaurant/coffee place
and we noticed this very cute Asian girl studying her text book
so hard, her ears were about to start smoking. She was obviously
having a hard time understanding it, talking to herself out loud
and then obviously talking to herself in her head.
We sat at the table near her and I said, “Excuse me, can I ask
you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker and my
friend and I have something very important to discuss.”
Now, at that point, she busted up laughing and joined in our
conversation.
So again; I can provide examples with this kind of opener.
And I can tell you how to come up with your own. But you are
going to have to match your opener to what you actually see and
observe about her-does that make sense?
Here Are Some Approaches I Do NOT Recommend:
1. Asking her the time, or for directions. It's trite, lame, and
then where do you go from there? If you are terribly shy and
can't even talk to women, OK, you can start here. But learn to do
something else quickly.
2. Being insulting or in any way rude. I don't care what you
might have heard. Insulting a woman is stupid. Any woman with
choice is just going to move on. If she's kind, she won't insult
you back. If she isn't, she just might give a verbal tongue
lashing, and that's not the kind of tongue action you want!
3. Invading her space when I meet her. Once I make my initial
opening, tell her my name, shake her hand; I then actually take a
step back, away from her, to give her back her space.
Women tell me that, to them, it demonstrates respect. It also
indicates that, while I am strong enough to come up and meet
them, I am also concerned with their safety, and they like that
combination. And finally, it indicates a challenge: just because
she gave me a good initial response to my opener, doesn't mean
she has me! It establishes a challenge, right away.
In any case, whatever approaches you use, bear in mind one more
thing I teach my students: 90% of the time, the worst that can
happen is NOTHING will happen.
The image of the cold, cruel, rejecting, vicious “bitch” really
exists pretty much only in the movies. Most women, if they aren't
interested (and most actually do respond positively to a sincere,
fun approach, even if they don't get romantically interested)
just won't do anything.
They won't yell.
They won't shoot a dirty look.
They won't hit you or call the cops or the bouncer.
Most, if they just aren't interested, simply WON'T RESPOND.
So get this: the worst that can happen is NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.
Repeat after me: THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS: NOTHING WILL
HAPPEN.
I've approached thousands of women, literally. In all that time,
maybe five instances have I ever been yelled at or have women had
something truly vicious to say. And in those cases, I just
chalked it up to something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
Maybe they were having a terrible day. Maybe their boyfriends
beat or abused them. Who knows?
I know if I approach someone in a fun, non-threatening, and
sincere way, and they are STILL mean, THEY are the ones with the
problem.
Again, this means it has to be OK with you if you don't “win” all
the time. Or better still; define winning as having fun,
polishing your skill, and learning SOMETHING about the person you
are going to meet. That's within the power and ability of EVERY
person, and most of the time, you learn something quite pleasant.
OK. Enough on this. Hope this helps. I've shot a video series on
this and am in the process of editing it. I WILL ANNOUNCE WHEN IT
IS READY, so please don't call the office and bug them about it,
OK? They get cranky about that kind of thing and I'm all about...
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. You can have all the success with women you've ever wanted
right now, by going to:
http://www.seduction.com/products/rj87.asp
Notice: this newsletter and all contents are copyright 2004, Ross
Jeffries. This newsletter may be reprinted, reposted or
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About the author:
Learn what to say to meet women, anywhere! Ross Jeffries, the controversial creator of Speed Seduction®, explains the whys and wherefores in this article. For more information like this, subscribe to our free newsletter at http://www.seduction.com
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